How does ego destroy relationships?

When ego is surrendered in a relationship you experience joy and not otherwise. But because it is mostly difficult for you to let go of your ego, you experience more pain than joy in relationships.

And so you choose to run away from the world and so also from love. Even the so-called religious people have chosen the path of escapism. They fear being with people and go away into forests, mountains and ashrams.

Unfortunately, not being able to analyse correctly that their ego is the cause of sorrows in their relationships, they see love as worldliness and want to keep away from it. When you run away from love, you end up strengthening your ego. Not finding an altar to surrender your individuality, your ego becomes very strong and deep-seated. Love is the Altar of surrendership. In love alone, you can surrender your ego. Have you not experienced that when you are in love with someone, you are able to effortlessly surrender your individuality? It may be love for the Divine, or for an ordinary person. The process remains the same. It is a unique experience, even if it lasts only a few moments. Where there is pure love – that is, where ‘I’ and ‘my’ do not arise – everything looks rosy.

In the beginning of any relationship, say in marriage, the couple is very happy because they are ready to let go of their I-ness and my-ness. But the moment their ego arises, the lovers get buried and from their tombs arise a husband and wife who want to possess and dominate. From here begins a series of tragedies. The moment you ‘own’ a woman as a wife you have put her in the cage of your ego. Now, even if you give her clothes or ornaments, just like the caged bird is not happy being in an ornamented cage, she will not experience the joy of freedom. This forces her to either break free from your ego-cage or bring you into her own cage. Expectations, insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness, etc. arise. ‘You belong to only me and no one else’, ‘You must think the way I want you to think’, ‘You must conduct yourself the way I want you to behave’… this is violence, not love.

Owning someone in love is not love; rather, it is the corpse of love. The sense of my-ness pronounces the end of love. Possessiveness suffocates and kills independence, so it is a distorted form of love. If love is nectar, attachment is poison. Unlike love, it demands more; it is never satisfied.

Read more here